getter1s:

i exist

kingdomheartsddd:

bartonbones:

“makeup actually expires!!!” not if it costs more than $5 it doesnt

It expires when its empty

kropotkindersurprise:

April 5 2018 - Workers at the South Korean division of General Motors trash their CEO’s office, after learning that none of the workers would get their bonus this year, when GM increased its’ total cash reserves by $2.69 billion in 2017. [video]

date-a-jew-suggestions:

It sucks how almost every conspiracy is all fun and wacky until you dig too deep and it’s antisemitic

black–twitter:

tastefullyoffensive:

When you’re sleepy and someone won’t stop talking to you…

hustlerose:

all gays do is listen to 80s music and read their horror scopes 

excalibelle:

me watching monsters inc as a kid: how did it take so long for anyone to figure out that human child laughter not only produced energy like screams, but was more effective, and that children aren’t actually dangerous at all?

me watching monsters inc now: monsters incorporated, a multi-billion dollar corporate giant, stood to make extra profits off a scream shortage because low supply with high demand makes it possible to charge a fortune for a necessary commodity and everyone has no choice but to pay the high prices because they can’t go without electricity. Therefore Monsters Inc, as well as any other major powers that may have existed at the start of the era of using scream energy, fabricated the idea that only screams could generate sustainable energy sources in order to create artificial scarcity, because laugh energy was far easier to obtain and far more efficient, and therefore stood to lower the value of energy due to surplus. They also fabricated the idea that human children were toxic, in order to a) make other monsters too afraid to go near them to do research and possibly discover the secret of laugh energy, and b) to make monsters so afraid of going near them that there is a shortage of scarers, making it harder for rival companies to rise up and create competition. Even in the monster world, capitalism is based on lies, greed and cruelty, and even monster companies have no qualms about using and abusing children to maximize profits.

russiacore:

russiacore:

i am a simple man, i see my cats paw, i squeeze it

i see my cats little nose, i kiss it

ddnosakechi:

koalatea:

i hate when ppl make fun of me for trying 2 be positive and spread good vibes like fuck your bitter ass i spent a good portion of my short life being bitter and angry and suicidal if i wanna shoot sunshine out of my ass then i fuckin will 

the worst part is when their all “we can’t all be neurotypical, Karen” like listen, I’m not neurotypical I’m just trying to get better jesus

spudsexuall:

My boyfriend talks in his sleep and because he’s bilingual, he says some hilarious/weird/sometimes creepy shit. I ask him every morning if he remembers saying this stuff and he has no idea about any of it. 

Here are some of my favorites:

-”Babe, can you please turn down the brightness of your skin”
-After stealing all of the blankets: “This is my right as a human”
-After I take the blankets back: “I don’t want your freedom, America. Just blanket”
-Sometimes he just says “Hello?” as if he’s answering a phone call
-One night he just said “Cabbage” which is weird because he doesn’t know the english word for that when he’s awake. 
-After spooning me: “You have a nice butt”
-”Who is that in the corner?” (terrifying)
-”Watch out for the red lady” (even more terrifying)
-Sometimes he will say things in German and it sounds like he’s speaking Parseltongue
-One time I actually think he said something in Parseltongue
-One time he talked about buying a ticket to “everywhere” and then just said “hello?” after two minutes of silence
-And my all time favorite: ”This is MY yogurt, Satan”